Gandhi Ji Rocks :P

God asked Lal Bahadur Shastri how many children he had during his time on earth. He replied saying he had three!
Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God gave Shastri a Mercedes!

Subhash Chandra Bose is asked the same question.
When he replies he had 10 children, God is a bit upset and gives him a cheaper car, the Ford.

Jawaharlal Nehru is next.
He decides to see what happens if he says he had 15 children, God is pretty angry and gives him an inexpensive Maruti.

Sometime later the three see Mahatma Gandhi returning on foot.
They ask why God hadn't given him anything.
Gandhiji replied with anger, "Some idiot told God that I was the FATHER OF THE NATION!"

"Gandhi Ji Rocks :P"

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Pappu VS Sonia Gandhi hahaha :P:P:P

sonia gandhi 1 school visit krne gyi 1 class me a
kar boli bachcho koi sawal puchna hai to pucho. Papu bola mere 3 sawal hai 1) Aap khud prime minister Q nahi bani
2) Ramleela maidan me police kisne bheji
3) Apka kitna paisa Swiss bank me hai. Isse pehle ki Sonia ji jawab deti half time ke bell ho
gayi. After half time Bablu khadha hokar bola Mam mere 5 sawal hai..
3 to Pappu wale hai 4) Half time ki bell 20min phle kaise baji?
Or akhiri sawal
?
Q5=Pappu kaha hai

"Pappu VS Sonia Gandhi hahaha :P:P:P"

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Laloo Vs Gates hahaha :p

Bill Gates : Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.
Laloo : Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates : Have you installed Windows at home?
Laloo : I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house. Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Laloo : OPERATION ? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates(Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Laloo : Oh Yes! Due to increased moquito problemsmany people are sleeping under the net. Gates: By the year 2002 India should export computer chips.
Laloo : We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates (Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Laloo : My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates (Sweating Heavily): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Laloo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it willbe shortly available in A.P.
Gates (Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Laloo : I have exhausted all my leave. Gates: I have no energy left, let us go out and have a bite.
Laloo : BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.
Gates : (System Crashes and Found Missing)."Windows is restarting. Please wait........

"Laloo Vs Gates hahaha :p"

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Mayawati goes to Lallu's house.

Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon..:p:p

"Mayawati goes to Lallu's house."

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Indian Political Viruses

The following is the list of some new viruses going round in India.

Better beware of them.


P.V. Narasimha Rao Virus:

First of all, this virus reduces the CPU speed to 66Hz. Before

executing any instruction, it deleberates over it a number of times

and finally does nothing.


V.P. Singh Virus:

This virus reserves a quota for each instruction, and executes them

only according to the quota. Needless to say, the least used

instructions have a higher quota than the more used instructions.

This virus is also known as social justice virus.



Sukh Ram Virus:

This virus first swallows 10% of the bits in each instruction and

then executes them.



Maneka Gandhi Virus:

This is a green virus. It executes only those programmes that were

written by vegetarians or animals.



L.K. Advani Virus:

This virus pops up every now and then, and the only way you can

continue working is by typing Jai Shri Ram 108 times.



K.P.S. Gill Virus:

Only ladies need to worry about this virus.Every now and then the

users get a whack, you know where.



Phoolan Devi Virus:

This virus hijacks all high priority processes and generates page

faults for them. At times, this virus may also celebrate the CPU*s

birthday.



Deve Gowda Virus:

The main characterestic of this virus is that it tries to schedule all

the processes at the same time. This virus services all the request

for resources,and allocates them irrespective of whether they are

available or not.



Jayalalitha Virus:

This actually is a family of viruses. Each member of this virus

family grab as much of hard disk space as possible,while the main virus is

totally unaware of it. When everything stops working,this virus

blames the user for the whole chaos.



I.K.Gujral Virus:

Before executing any instruction, this virus calls tries to get the

approval of 18 other viruses and most of the time, one of the viruses

blocks the instruction. So Gujral virus most of the time does not

execute anything. While it is not doing anything, as it is always,

this virus connects to the Internet and keeps sending data to all

major/minor countries in the World except India w/o receiving the

replies.



Veerappan virus:

This virus plays hide and seek. it captures some resources and

releases them after sometime. it sometimes seems to be eradicated but

suddenly reappears.



Laloo Yadav virus:

A dangerous virus, gulps all the resources as well as it corrupts the

data. If you try to use scanner, During hibernation,it will rename

its signature with another deadly virus of the same family. This virus

takes help from other viruses to avoid scanning.

Mulayam Virus:

Whatever way, it will try to grab resources of the system, it's only

task is to abort BJP processes. this virus hangs the system by

sending conflicting signals to different hardware units.



Sonia Gandhi Virus:

Once a part of most deadly virus family of the world. No scanner can

detect now, how much damage it can cause to the system, but people

use Bofors scanner for temporary protection.



Kashi-Maya Virus:

It's also called the Dalit virus, it destabilizes the co-ordination

amongst different resources, It controls & steps the low priority

resources from functioning. Lot of scanners available now to kill it.

Other viruses are thriving by splitting this virus.

"Indian Political Viruses"

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Delhi se mumbai flight 1 ghnte me jati he pr laut kr 60mins me ati hai.. aisa kyu.? Suniye netao k jawab ::

RAHUL: jati diesel pr hogi, ati petrol
pr hogi
LALU: raste me trafikva bahut he,
jam hota hoga
MAYAWATI: pehle btao andr Dalit
kitne he
DIGVIJAY: zrur isme RSS ka hath he
TIVARI: bich me gujarat padta h, isse
saaf zahir hota he ki, isme modi ka
hath he
PRAFUL PATEL: Nischit rahe, iski
janch ki jaegi
MANMOHAN: madam se puch k
batata hu :D :D

"Delhi se mumbai flight 1 ghnte me jati he pr laut kr 60mins me ati hai.. aisa kyu.? Suniye netao k jawab ::"

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Bush, Manmohan, Sonia and Aishwarya in train

The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.

Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed.

Bush is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Sonia is thinking: These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.

Aishwarya is thinking: Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.

Bush is thinking: Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.

Manmohan is thinking: If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again.

"Bush, Manmohan, Sonia and Aishwarya in train"

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Indian Political Maths

An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the

senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed

by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked

"How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"

The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window.

"Can you see the river?"

"Yes"

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

"Of course", said the minister.

"10 percent", said the senator smugly.


Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian

minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his

house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had

built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc. etc.

"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in RS?', he asked.

The minister called him to the window.

"See the river over there?"

"Sure", cried the senator.

"Can you see the bridge over it?"

The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said -

"No, I don't see any bridge."

"100 percent", said the minister !!

"Indian Political Maths"

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Indian Politician Goes to Mars .....funny story..

So NASA finally decided to send a man to Mars. But with all the uncertainities involved and the years of detailed research and stuff that was to be done on Mars, it became clear that it would be a suicide mission. The person would not be coming back to Earth. 

NASA decided to invite applications from all over the world from general public to select the person who would be making the trip. The person would be provided whatever he asaked for, since he would not be coming back. After months of deliberations and examining, they finalized on three applicants: An American, a German and an Indian politician. So they called each of them and asked what they would want, before they would be finalized for the mission. 

The American said: 'I want 1 billion Dollars to be given to my wife and family.' 

The German said: 'I want 2 billion Dollars to be given to my family.' 

The Indian politician, when his turn came, said: 'I want 3 billion Dollars.' 

When the interviewing official asked why his price was so high, he replied: 

'One billion for me, one billion for you, give the American the other billion and send him to Mars.'

"Indian Politician Goes to Mars .....funny story.."

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Application form for Indian Elections..

1. Name of Candidate: ____________ _________ 2.Present Address: (i.)Name of Jail: ____________ _________ (ii.)Cell Number: ____________ _________ 3.Political Party: ____________ _________ *List ONLY the Last Five parties in Chronological (Order) 4.Sex: [ ] A- Male B- Female C- Mayawati D- Uma Bharathi 5.Nationality: [ ] A- Italian B- Indian 6.Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more) A- Defected B- Expelled C- Bought out D- None of above E- All of above 7.Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more) A- To make money B- To escape court trial C- To grossly misuse power D- To serve the public E- I have no clue (If you choose 'D, attach Certificate of Sanity froma Recognized Government Psychiatrist) 8.How many years of public service experience do you possess? A- 1-2 yrs B- 2-6yrs C- 6-15yrs D- 15+yrs 9.Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want) 10.How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ] (Do not confuse with question 8) A- 1-2 years B- 2-6 years C- 6-15 years D- 15+years 11.Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ] A- Why not B- Of Course C- Definitely D- I deny it all E- I see a foreign hand. 12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ] A- 100-500 Crores B- 500-1000 Crores C- Overflow� (Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees) 13. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ] A- No B- No C- No D- No 14.Describe your achievements in space provided: [_________] Issued in public interest by Election Commission ofIndia.

"Application form for Indian Elections.."

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What Is Politics?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."

"What Is Politics?"

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